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The Joys of Nursing in Public #1
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I had no interest in nursing in public.
I decided to breastfeed for the health benefits. The closeness and joy I experienced while breastfeeding my daughter were a surprising bonus. But take her out in public, pull up my shirt, and latch her on? Pfft. Not. Gonna. Happen. No way.
For my first public outing with my daughter, Rhi, I prepared. I packed a diaper bag with a bottle of pumped milk. I nursed her as much as she wanted. When she finished I packed her up into her car seat, and we were off . . . to the store.
(I admit that the store isn’t a particularly special first public outing, but since I was a new stay at home mom, it seemed as awesome as if we were attending the Oscars. With only slightly less time spent getting ready.)
We got to the store, I got her out of the car, and we went inside. Shortly after that, all of my plans went straight to hell.
While walking through the aisles, my baby signaled her hunger by shoving her hands in her mouth and squawking at me. I did not expect her to be hungry again so soon, but I was ready. I parked my cart, took her into the bathroom, and heated up her bottle under the hot water.
This took more time then I imagined it would, and by the time it was warm, my baby was furious that I had not yet met her needs. She was very vocal about it.
Finally I deemed the bottle warm enough, and we sat on the bench outside of the bathroom. Except – what’s this? Why won’t she take the bottle? Her crying got louder (how was that possible?!).
And people were starting to stare.
And my breasts were leaking.
And I was near tears.
Stretched to my breaking point, I yanked up my shirt, pulled down my bra, and latched my daughter on to my breast. Discretion? I was too stressed and upset to care.
My daughter instantly calmed down, grabbed onto me, and let out a contented little sigh. Even as we both relaxed, I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious.
Just then, an elderly woman looked over at us, stopped, and walked over.
Please please please don’t say anything to me lady, I silently plead with her. I really didn’t want to do this, but I just couldn’t help it and I’m trying my best and . . .
“Pretty baby,” the woman said, breaking into my inner monologue.
“Huh?” I asked, stupidly.
“You have a very pretty baby there,” she repeated, smiling down at Rhi.
“Th-thank you,” I stuttered.
That old woman was the catalyst for a change in the way I viewed nursing in public. Sure, maybe she had no clue what I was doing, although I find that hard to believe, since I was not trying for discretion. But her kindness to us made me really realize that what I was doing was fine, and natural, and good.
No one would have cared if I had bottle fed my kid anywhere or everywhere, and most people are mature enough to understand that using your breasts to feed a baby is not the same thing as using them in a sexual manner.
That incident changed my perspective. It enabled me to nurse my first daughter all over the place, and I’m doing the same with my second (and I do mean everywhere, including in a job interview, in front of clients, at a park full of people, and once while pumping gas).
I have, in my nursing experience, had one run in with someone: a woman at the mall who said I should be using the nursing room (that had three women already in line). I never even responded, because four other people – including her own daughter – told her she was out of line. She even (begrudgingly) apologized.
So while there are certainly bad nursing in public experiences, we must remember as nursing mothers that those are the ones that get the coverage. They are, quite simply, more newsworthy. There are a million stories of good experiences, and even more of neutral ones where no action is taken at all, but those aren’t controversial enough to place headlines or whip up a storm of controversy.
In fact, I daresay most of us will never have to deal with a particularly dreadful response from anyone. Maybe the normalization of breastfeeding isn’t quite as far off as we think.
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Despite the fact that negative nursing in public experiences get the publicity, more women receive the kindness and thanks from strangers for making breastfeeding a normal sight.
We want to share your positive stories so that other breastfeeding mothers and mothers-to-be will be inspired and encouraged to N.I.P. If you have a positive N.I.P. story, please contact us. We will include them in the series and credit you, your site, or post it anonymously if you so desire.
The Joys of Nursing in Public #2
Today we are happy to host a guest post by Dawn. Here is her nursing in public guest post.
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One of my favorite places to stop and nurse when out shopping is, believe it or not, a public rest room.
My local Whole Foods Market has a bright, spacious rest room, complete with a big, cushioned chair that’s very comfortable for nursing. I’ve seen similar rest rooms–and chairs–at other Whole Foods Markets (and no, I don’t work for them! I just believe in pointing out a great nursing-friendly venue when I see one).
When my first child was an infant I would often be found in the Whole Foods rest room’s comfy chair, singing show tunes (they were my baby’s lullabies, and dang, those tiled walls give a great reverb!).
I never had anyone give me any negative reaction to my nursing (or my singing, for that matter). Either I would get friendly smiles or averted eyes.
One time a woman asked me, with a warm chuckle, if I would come and sing to her while she had her lunch too.
That rest room’s comfy chair turned into a jungle gym for my daughter after she weaned, and back into a nursing chair when her younger brother came along.
He’s still nursing strong at the ripe old age of two and ten months, and we are still frequently seen nursing, and sometimes singing too, in that chair.
This week when I stopped to nurse my son in the Whole Foods rest room armchair, an employee came in to sweep up. She stopped dead in her tracks when she saw my son at the breast. “How old is he?” she asked.
Oh, no, I thought. I’ve been nursing in public for four years and haven’t gotten a snide remark yet. Please, lady, don’t go there.
“He’s almost three,” I answered calmly.
“And you’re STILL nursing him?”
Oh, crap, we ARE going there. Keep nursing, keep smiling, hold your head up.
“Yes I am,” I said evenly.
“How long do you plan to keep nursing?”
Breathe, be pleasant, don’t get defensive, just educate.
“It’s up to my son to decide when it’s time to stop.”
“That’s AMAZING!” the woman exclaimed. “I’ve NEVER seen anyone nurse that long! I stopped nursing when my baby was one, because my doctor told me to. Big mistake! Doctors are idiots when it comes to nursing. When I have another baby I’m going to nurse a lot longer than that. Maybe even as long as you! Good for you for still nursing! You’re an inspiration!”
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Despite the fact that negative nursing in public experiences get the publicity, more women receive the kindness and thanks from strangers for making breastfeeding a normal sight.
We want to share your positive stories so that other breastfeeding mothers and mothers-to-be will be inspired and encouraged to N.I.P. If you have a positive N.I.P. story, please contact us. We will include them in the series and credit you, your site, or post it anonymously if you so desire.
The Joys of Nursing in Public #3
Today we are happy to host a guest post by Ashley. Ashley Scott-Fisher is a Birth & Postnatal Doula and mumma to two gorgeous little people! Here is her nursing in public guest post
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We had just gotten to the children’s play area in the park. As my two-year-old daughter ran off to play, I heard the familiar sound of my newborn son trying to tell me he was hungry.
I had only breastfed in public a few times, and I was still very nervous about doing it. It was a sunny summer day, the park was packed, and there were no seats on the benches. I first tried to calm my son by walking around (he was in his sling on my front) – this only worked temporarily, and after a few minutes he started to really cry in hunger.
So I made a decision: I am going to feed him, right here, standing up! I pulled up my top, and as I attempted to latch him on in the sling, a nearby mother called me and said “come and sit over here, you should have asked us to move – your baby has every right to eat his lunch!
It was such a small thing, but it meant so much. I fed my son – in public! – and I felt confident and accepted while doing so. I just wish ALL mothers could feel like that every time they breastfeed in public!
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Despite the fact that negative nursing in public experiences get the publicity, more women receive the kindness and thanks from strangers for making breastfeeding a normal sight.
We want to share your positive stories so that other breastfeeding mothers and mothers-to-be will be inspired and encouraged to N.I.P. If you have a positive N.I.P. story, please contact us. We will include them in the series and credit you, your site, or post it anonymously if you so desire.
The Joys of Nursing in Public #4
Today we are happy to host a guest post by Casey. Casey resides in Upstate New York with her husband Jason and two daughters, Anabella 3 1/2 years and Elsie 7 months. The whole family enjoys practicing the attachment parenting lifestyle. Here is her nursing in public guest post.
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This is a picture of my first tandem nursing in public experience, and it was taken at a hospital. My three year old had a minor day surgery, and as luck would have it, she needed comforting at the same time my four month old was ready to eat.
We were at the hospital in a patient recovery area with about six other patients, and while tandem nursing them at home was a regular occurrence for us, I had never tandemed in public, especially with a three year old hooked up to wires!
I started nursing them, and in walked the nurses. “Great!,” I thought.
I was ready with a comeback as to why my three year old needed to nurse, how it was not child abuse, etc., when the older nurse started to gush about how wonderful it was that I was tandem nursing.
After I got over the initial shock – not only was she happy about me tandem nursing, but she was also encouraging me to continue nursing my daughter as long as possible – she then went on to tell me how she had had home births, coslept, breastfed, etc. We then talked about how we also have had home births, have a family bed, etc. It was great!
Her encouragement and support made me comfortable to tandem nurse my girls in a room of strangers.
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Despite the fact that negative nursing in public experiences get the publicity, more women receive the kindness and thanks from strangers for making breastfeeding a normal sight.
We want to share your positive stories so that other breastfeeding mothers and mothers-to-be will be inspired and encouraged to N.I.P. If you have a positive N.I.P. story, please contact us. We will include them in the series and credit you, your site, or post it anonymously if you so desire.
The Joys of Nursing in Public #5
Today we are happy to host a guest post by Christiana. Christiana Dominguez’s first daughter, Thomasina, was born March 1, 2010. She spent the first 10 weeks hating breastfeeding and every week since trying to prolong it through the trials of full-time work and boobs that hate the pump. She’s an attorney by day and a former political blogger who now prefers to write about public policy, parenting, and whatever strikes her fancy at Fidget Face (her NIP posts are tagged LactationLocations). She lives in California with her daughter, husband, and two cats who are jerks. Here is her nursing in public guest post.
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Sometime during my daughter’s second or third week of life, I was convinced I had developed a nasty yeast infection or a screaming case of mastitis or both – yes – preferably both. I sat in the examination room as the doctor examined me, nixed the notion of infection, and gave me some breastfeeding pointers. She told me it took her about six weeks to get in a groove with her daughter.
Six weeks. Six weeks?
I couldn’t see past tomorrow and did my best to blink back hot, frustrated tears. It was the worst clean bill of health I’d ever received.
In the end, it took me a full ten weeks to hit my own breastfeeding groove with my daughter – to reach a place I never thought I’d find.
The Diction of Public Breastfeeding
Having decided to take advantage of the many baby-related coupons that magically appear in your mailbox after you give birth, my husband and I took our daughter to the mall for some department store portraits.
On the way to the store, a rival company offered us a coupon and the promise of no-waiting, so we let them waste time trying to coax a smile out of her as well. The extra stop added unexpected time-away-from-home to our day. By the time we were reviewing proofs, my daughter began to demand some food – rendering me incapable of concentrating on the merits of 10x13s versus 8x10s.
We had the boppy with us as a prop for the photos because it matched her outfit, so I grabbed it and the baby and went to work.
The storefront happened to be a corner unit in the mall, and we happened to be viewing photos in the corner of that glass-enclosed fishbowl. I suppose I paused for a moment to consider that I couldn’t have found a more public, “look at me!” place to feed my child as mall shoppers strolled past looking at the cute kids and photos on display, but her squawks and coos demanded attention.
I mentioned to the gal showing us our proofs that I hope she didn’t mind. She said, no no, of course, she’s not bothered, she’d just be concerned that I was embarrassed. And right then I realized “embarrassed” is probably the least applicable word for breastfeeding in public.
Self-conscious, sure, sometimes. Frustrated and fumbling trying to balance the kid and a privacy cover or a blanket, yeah. But I think I’d only feel embarrassed if someone else said something to make me so. Her comment also did – just by implying that I should be or might be embarrassed.
To be fair, she didn’t imply that I should be. But there must be that presumption in the premise of the comment, you know? Like, who wouldn’t be embarrassed?
It was actually the most comfortable public feed I’ve done yet because I had that stupid boppy with me. Usually I’m wadding up blankets and shoving them under her head and then doubling-over and trying to grow a third hand to hold everything. I never would’ve thought I would be so, uh, free and easy with my boob.
I think a large part of my comfort comes from the sheer joy of escaping the house and being out in the world after those intense, cloistered first weeks of motherhood. I’m also just too tired to move somewhere else to feed in most cases.
I don’t necessarily advocate that every mom whip it out all over town if that’s beyond her comfort level. Nor am I looking for some kind of breastfeeding extra credit. That morning at the mall, however, was just another quiet reminder of how different my world is now.
To me, it’s the power of biology requiring that I attend to my child’s needstrumping the societal construct that breasts are inherently sexual and meant to be covered in all contexts, always. It’s a special kind of liberty that we should – if we could – all enjoy, especially considering that some women in other countries can’t even show their faces, let alone a quick flash of breast, in public.
Perhaps most notably, during any of my daughter’s public meals, I have yet to receive a single negative comment from a stranger, nor really so much as a sideways glance that I’ve noticed.
I’m sure that has to do with me simply not looking.
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Despite the fact that negative nursing in public experiences get the publicity, more women receive the kindness and thanks from strangers for making breastfeeding a normal sight.
We want to share your positive stories so that other breastfeeding mothers and mothers-to-be will be inspired and encouraged to N.I.P. If you have a positive N.I.P. story, please contact us. We will include them in the series and credit you, your site, or post it anonymously if you so desire.
